I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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