i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
that is very illegal...i love you.
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