oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
