I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
