there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
