Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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