are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
