Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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