You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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