at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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