Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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