Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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