Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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