i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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