I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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