I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
