Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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