I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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