it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
