KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
