I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
