YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
