As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
