You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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