My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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