I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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