ya dads aren't the best wingmen
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
