Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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