hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
