Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize