the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm always down for nudity.
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