did you get engaged???
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize