I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
