grandma shit on top of the toilet
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
