Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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