she was so not down for the gang bang
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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