he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
