I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
