It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
