I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
