The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
