Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
