Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
