I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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