Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
