my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
