): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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