I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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