Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
