i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
