Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
