She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
