Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
