im holly from the hills drunk
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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