And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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