I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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