i think my mom watched the whole time
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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