We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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