he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
