I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
