Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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