My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I had to cum in my sink.
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