I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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