im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I am full of burrito and curiosity
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Are we still banned from the library?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
