You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
