You're completely useless in the revolution.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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