Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
