i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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