I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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