Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize