I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
