I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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