I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sober January is a disaster.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
