I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
